Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Two and a half years ago, I was a girl who was scared of living, and scared of not being loved.  So I pushed away everyone in my life.  My parents, my family, my friends.  Those who I associated with knew I was a bitch, and that if they wanted to know me, they would just have to deal with that.  Then, I met a guy.  A guy who changed me.  He made me learn how to love, how to actually enjoy life, and how to be me without being scared.  Since then, things haven't been easy, but we have stuck together, through it all; and I have stuck to being me.  
This past August, I made the change from High School to college.  I came to the school I'm at because of dumb reasons.  I don't know that I knew it at the time, but I came here because my biological mother lives here.  Everyone that knew me could see that and told me not to come.  But part of being me, is I do things the way I feel I should.  I'm not one to follow what others think would be good for me.  
So against what everyone told me, I went.  It turned out that they were right, and I regretted it.  I'm far away from my honey, and from my family.  (who since I have left, I actually appreciate more).  And I'm here, because of a woman I can't stand and no longer speak to.
But coming here has taught me about myself.  It has taught me how to still be loving and open without my boyfriend there with me during every step.
Unfortunately its only been recently that I have started making friends here.  I think at the beginning I was in my own little scared space where I turned back to rejecting those who tried to get close.  That, too, backfired.  I lost my two best friends back home and was left here without anyone to call or dry my tears.  I'm getting through it, and am making friends, slowly.  Thankfully, when one door closes, another opens.  Only a week or two before my best friends and I went our separate ways, I became close to an old friend.  She has been there for me, but it still hurts that those I love are not there anymore.
Like I said in my first post, this is just random thoughts I'm thinking, so here they are.  For now, I have to run to class.

3 comments:

  1. Oh Sheraya, I'm sorry that you've had to go through all of this. I hope you're doing much better!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love you, honey. I'm glad you've decided to make some friends down there, it'll make your time there easier. Life is hard, I know! And it has been especially hard on you. However, your positive attitude makes all the difference. You are a wonderful, caring person and I consider myself lucky to be your friend. - tricia

    ReplyDelete
  3. Michael, life is a process, and we go through hard times so we can enjoy the good times.
    Trish, I love you too! Thank your for your support and good example about being positive. I am so lucky to be friends with such an awesome, inspiring woman like you.

    ReplyDelete