May 19, 2010
Tonight I was talking to Alex about my plans for college in the future. We ended up fighting. A lot. Several times during the argument one of us would say something that the other perceived as offensive or rude. At these times in the argument, I would make an effort to improve my perception accuracy, by checking that he meant what I thought he did.
I think this helped the fight from escalating more, so in that aspect, by asking if he meant what I thought he did, helped my accuracy. I found my problem in when he meant what I thought he meant, and it was hurtful, or when he meant something different but I while I clarified, I still remembered what I thought he had meant, and I let that affect me.
May 20, 2010
Last night I was talking to my friend about her marriage and how it related to my relationship. She was talking about how she was moving to Minnesota for her husband; and she was relating that to how I was willing to do anything to be with him and she said “I don't think that it's fair that you are willing to do anything for him and he can't get out of his comfort zone in the slightest. This kind of stuff wouldn't fly in a marriage.” To that, I thought (didn’t say) how dare she judge my relationship? There are so many things in her marriage I disagree with, and how I would take the problems I have with Alex, any day over the problems I see in their relationship.
This made me examine what I was doing. I was judging my relationship and myself much more charitably than I was with her relationship. I was also assuming that her and her husband worked like Alex and I do. That isn’t true, and I think there are many things that “wouldn’t fly” for the other in both of our relationships. I was looking at only the negative things in her relationship. Then I continued to think and realized…it’s none of my business to make judgments about her relationship. This isn’t a high school relationship that everyone is involved in. It is a marriage and that works differently. I realized I need to be less involved. We can vent to each other about our problems, but really it does neither of us good to judge the other’s relationship. I am still going to continue to learn from her problems, but attempt be judge her marriage less.
May 20, 2010
Today before class started, a classmate looked at me and the other girl in the room and asked up if we smoked. We both said no. He told us that that was a good decision and that we were smart for not smoking. He said that if we ever got a chance to start, not to. We both kind of looked at him with a “no duh” face, and then after an awkward silence we went back to what we were doing.
After this, I caught myself thinking what an odd ball he was; wondering why he had randomly chosen to impart his knowledge on us. After a little consideration, I figured he was trying to quit and he was having a hard time at it; and that was why he was talking to us about it. I noticed I jumped to the common tendency to just look at my negative impressions. This time I was able to catch myself and continue to think, instead of just judge.
May 24, 2010
My mom and I were IMing via facebook today. She was asking me about almost every post I had on there for the past week; and I jokingly said “wow, you’re really facebook stalking me”. She didn’t reply for a moment, and then said, “not stalking, I just care about your life”. When she said that I realized she didn’t know that “facebook stalking” is just what you say when you follow someone’s facebook page a lot. She was nearly offended because she didn’t understand what I was saying with the comment.
This is an example of how the symbol “stalking” means two different things in the thought process getting to the referent. For me, the referent was the image of someone following what you are up to, for her, it had a negative connotation of how stalking someone in real life is a bad thing. It was a good example of I.A. Richards idea that “meanings are in the people, not in words”.
May 24, 2010
I had a friend in high school who always hated it when someone said “I love you” to him or around him. He said that it was overused and by saying it all the time, it took away its value. He felt it had become cliché. I guess someone had said it to him and didn’t mean it, that it had lost its meaning to him. Maybe, we were facing a case of Colloquialisms in our high school group. Whenever we would leave, our parting was, “loveyaseeyalater”. To him, the use of “I love you” became a cliché; when in reality we were not meaning it in the way that he felt it was made to be used.
He was frustrated because he felt the words “I love you” should be left for two people who had a deep connection, where we had a type of metatalk connection, where “I love you” did not mean “I care for you deeply and want you to be in my life forever, and I cannot live without you”. It merely meant, “You’re my friend and it was nice hanging with you, catch later”. I think this whole thing was probably a case of Regionalism, where he came to the area and was unfamiliar with the definition we gave words.
May 26, 2010
My good friend got a tattoo near to the minute she turned 18, without much thought. While her tattoo means a lot to her, she didn’t feel it necessary to tell her family about it. She is wiccan, and her tattoo resembles that, with a tree with a pentagram over it (often confused with satanic worship, which for her, is not the case); she felt that her very LDS family would be opposed to it, regardless of the meaning. She recently got married, and he dress she bought for the wedding happened to show some of her back, and her tattoo. She felt that this would be controversial and didn’t want all of her family to know about. We attempted several times to cover it with makeup, and succeeded, but never in a way that wouldn’t rub on her dress, and thus needing to be touched up often, so a last minute decision was to go with the tattoo in its full glory.
She was afraid of the judgments of her family on her wedding day; she thought they would judge her moral character based on her tattoos. That is a rational fear, many people do look at people’s clothing and artifacts (including tattoos) as a way of defining someone. I think that when she got the tattoo she should have thought about whether or not it was something she would have been ashamed of later in life. I think that permanent decorations should be thought about and people should consider all of the possible repercussions.