June 15, 2010
I think my biggest strength in conflict, as far as being functional or dysfunctional goes, is that of Cooperation. I will always sit through a conflict and work it out to the end; even if I really don’t want to. I need to work on seeing that even if others go away, they are still cooperating if they are willing to come back.
I have problems at the beginning of fights with Coercion, thinking that I am right and it should be done my way. Towards the end of conflicts, I always aim for Agreement. I am also very good at staying focused on an issue and not drifting. I aim to have Foresight and have a lot of trouble with people being shortsighted.
June 15, 2010
My style of Conflict is very easy to figure out. In my approach to others, I am very assertive, thinking “I’m ok, you’re ok”. I assertively choose things for myself when making decisions, and am usually high in self sufficiency, making me assertive. In a problem situation I am very likely to directly confront the issue, an assertive way of behaving. When threatened or highly emotional (or irrational) I tend to be directly aggressive, and use an outright attack. Others tend to respond to me with respect, which implies assertiveness. In conflict, I always look for Win-Win situations, but should one have to lose, I wouldn’t want it to be me.
Alex was really difficult to figure out for me. I felt that he was non assertive in a few ways, passive aggressive in a few, and indirect in a few others. He pointed out he had assertive ways, but where I am on the high end of assertive, he is on the low end so it is hard for me to see how he is also assertive in some ways.
June 15, 2010
Looking at Alex and my relationship based on the conflict ideas we learned in class today, I am feeling very confident. I went through ever step and evaluated the state of our conflicts. I think we are a satisfied couple because we use good skills and we use conflict to build our relationship up rather than tear each other down. When in conflict, we almost always have Integration, knowing that the other has valid ideas, whether we disagree with them or not. We value the other’s intelligence, and that makes it easier for us to not have Polarization. In our conflict we use Cooperation, working together to solve the issue, only when it escalates do we begin to desire Isolation; but we never go there, only close. At the beginning of conflict, we tend to have Coercion, wanting our way, but toward the end we go for Agreement. That is the goal of our conflicts, is to end in Agreement.
Sometimes, when Alex and I are fighting, we both Escalate things, making each other defensive; sometimes it gets to the point where one is ready to run out of the conversation, and then we find a way to have De-escalation, so we can continue to solve the issue. I feel in our relationship, I am very good at Focusing on the issue at hand, but Alex seems to Drift. So we have come up with a Conflict Ritual for this. When he brings up another issue, and we decide to talk about that issue, I always make sure at the end, we go back and talk about the first issue. I tend to look into the future, and plan ahead with foresight, where he tends to be shortsighted and looks at what is happening now. When I am trying to plan things this leads to conflict for us. This is probably one of the biggest issues of conflict we deal with. One thing I can say though, is we always attempt to have positive results at the end of conflict, even if we aren’t necessarily happy with how it ended up.
June 16, 2010
As my last journal, I should make it good, but we’ll see how it goes. In the family I grew up in, there are 5 kids, and two parents. We all fit into Environmental roles in how we deal with each other. In fact, when we were going over the roles in class, I could pick out who each one was. Of course, each one does not fit the role exclusively, but I can defiantly see a trend.
In my siblings, the roles are easy to divvy out. The Blamer, would be Emi. She is always quick to say why it’s not her fault, and how it is someone else’s. “Leo was bossing me around!” (so she hit him, or whatever). The Placactor, most certainly was Veronica. She tends to agree with whoever she is in conflict with, to make them leave her alone, hoping the problem will go away. “I’m sorry, you’re right” (even when she doesn’t think that). The Computer, is Alex. He is the one who will just sit there without emotion and solve the problem (believe me, he is capable of anger as well, but when solving simple conflicts, I see the computer). This role was the most difficult to assign, because he breaks out of that stage pretty quickly in some situations. The Distracter makes me think of Leo, because he is so funny and such a goof ball. He says random things to get out of situations and likes to change the subject when conflict is around to break up the tension.
What role do I fit into? I had a really hard time fitting myself into one. In high school I was rarely around the house, and it seemed that whenever I was, I was fighting with my mom, not my siblings. So I honestly have no idea how I dealt with conflict with them…