Sunday, April 24, 2011

Sometimes...I just want to punch life in the face...

Just some of my jumbled thoughts...

Sometimes things happen in life that I am unable to control.  People that I care about make decisions that I feel are extremely detrimental.  Sometimes I just wish I could take away their ability to make stupid decisions and just make decisions for the,  To figure out their life in the way that I think would make them the most happy.  I know this is impossible and selfish of me, but I just want those I love to be happy.

I feel like people recently have been jumping into marriage without really thinking about it.  I feel they just wake up, see a nice fella, and go, hey I want to spend the entirety of my life with this person...and for those that are LDS, I want to spend the rest of eternity with them.  I know for some people short dating times and engagements work out.  But I think that number is few.  Whenever I bring this up around my family, my mom brings up the fact that her and my dad had an extremely short dating and engagement phase...but then I also think that perhaps the reason they have lasted has something to do with the fact that they were in their 30s and had already lived life, already knew who they were.  I know I am getting married young, and I know a lot of people find problem with that.  I realize their concerns are valid, but I also feel that dating my fiance for 4 years makes my move into marriage a little less crazy.  It scares me when people who I love decide to marry people they've known less than a month.  I wish I could keep these people in a little box until they're old enough to make their own smart decisions.  I would probably go to jail for this though...

I'm sad that people I used to be so close with no longer want to talk to me.  I feel like I have given so much of my life to this person, and now she feels so much just stands in our way.  Religion, age, distance...I don't know.  I know that when I ask her questions she gets mad at me and won't talk to me about it.  I hate that I won't be able to see her get married.  I hate that she feels like religion needs to be such a barrier between us.  I don't get it.  My mom and I are of different faiths, but we are able to be close...to talk.  I don't know where this person got it in her head that because I don't believe the things she believes she can't even come close to talking to me about it.  But its not just religion now.  It started there, but now its her whole life.  I don't understand, and it hurts me so badly.  How could someone I love so much hate me so much?  What did I do?  What happened?

1 comment:

  1. wow honey I knew you were upset & concerned but i guess I didn't realize the magnitude. I too am very scare for Ronnie. I wonder if she is so caught up in the whole idea of what marriage holds she's not looking at the big picture of what MARRIAGE HOLDS. The down side the hard times, the financial responsibilities, the communication, the adjustments. You may think that you have all this freedom but in actuality you have less. There is someone there that you constantly have to answer to. It's not like playing house or dating. At the end of the day you can't go back to your own little house to your own bed, you are with that person for life even when your not physically with them. You have to share everything nothing is completely yours except your toothbrush. I don't want to be down on marriage it just isn't something to jump into lightly.

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